Tag: fifa

John Oliver Chugs Bud Light Lime To Celebrate Sepp Blatter Stepping Down

John Oliver is the man. In case you missed it Joihn Oliver was highly critical of FIFA the Sunday before Blatter stepped down and promised to chug a Bud Light Lime (amongst other thins) if the sponsors pressured him to step down

This wasn’t the first time he critiqued FIFA either. Before the men’s 2014 World Cup he unleashed a scathing indictment on FIFA.

Now although it is not entirely clear whether the sponsors had anything to do with it John Oliver gave them the benefit of the doubt and held up his side of the bargain. This video is just another reason why John Oliver is awesome. His show is a great learning experience and he offers eye-opening arguments about some things you’ve never even thought about. FIFA and soccer are especially close to him since he is a big Liverpool FC and soccer fan and it comes across in this argument. Maybe FIFA should elect him as their next president.


Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead! Sepp Blatter Resigns

From Business Insider:

FIFA president Sepp Blatter is resigning as president of FIFA amid a growing corruption scandal, he announced on Tuesday at a surprise press conference.

“While I have a mandate from the membership of FIFA, I do not feel that I have a mandate from the entire world of football — the fans, the players, the clubs, the people who live, breathe and love football as much as we all do at FIFA,” he said. “Therefore, I have decided to lay down my mandate at an extraordinary elective Congress.”

There will be an “extraordinary congress” of FIFA and a new president will be elected, at which time he will step down the post he has held since 1998. This will take place sometime between December of 2015 and March of 2016, FIFA says.

Blatter said he will work on “driving far-reaching, fundamental reforms” before he steps down.

“FIFA needs a profound overhaul,” he said.

It’s a shocking move. Two days after nine current and former FIFA officials were arrested in a $150 million bribery scandal, Blatter defiantly stood for a fifth term and was reelected in a landslide. Now, less than a week later, he’s quitting.

Literally less than a few days ago he was standing at the podium with a smug look on his face after he won the FIFA presidency election. The fact he honestly thought he would escape the corruption scandal was laughable last week before the election but after he won it made all of us lose faith in FIFA. The fact that inevitably even he couldn’t escape the purge restores my faith in humanity. Good riddance Sepp. I hope the door hits you as hard as possible on your way out.

Pele And Coutino Play FIFA 15 (Hint: They Aren’t Good)

This is for all those kids online who beat me at FIFA but could never beat me in a real life game. Pele is arguably the best player who has ever lived and even he sucks at FIFA so losing a game online means nothing.*


*I just wrote this to help me sleep at night after a FIFA loss(es).

FIFA Report Findings Say Qatar And Russia Bids Not Corrupt, Conveniently Blames England For Being The Most Corrupt



A 42-page report by German judge Eckert, the chairman of the adjudicatory chamber of FIFA’s independent ethics committee, ruled on Garcia’s investigation — and the findings ended the possibility of a re-run of the voting process.

Qatar had faced numerous allegations of corruption, but the report turned much of its fire on England’s conduct, saying it had “damaged the integrity of the ongoing bidding process.”

It said the England 2018 bid team’s attempts to secure the FIFA executive votes apparently controlled by disgraced ex-vice-president Jack Warner included securing a job for a family friend in Britain and “violated bidding rules.”

But the investigation found that any rule breaches by Qatar, Russia and England were of “limited scope” and “far from reaching any threshold that would require returning to the bidding process, let alone reopening it.”

How convenient for FIFA that the findings of this report harshly condemn the England bid but does not condemn the Qatar and Russia bids. Let’s be fair, it is probably safe to assume that England , Australia, and the United States did not run the cleanest bidding campaigns. If one has ever closely followed a democratic presidential campaign it is very clear that there are some nefarious back room deals that happen behind the scenes regardless of their legality. Nevertheless, this report was supposed to expose the clear cut corruption that led to Russia and Qatar winning the 2018 and 2022 World Cups, respectively. Instead, it seems like the entire “investigation” was just a facade perpetrated so that FIFA could shut up its critics by “proving” that there was no corruption so that they could finally push this under the rug and continue counting their money.

It just seems a little ironic that the report places a lot of the blame on England and the FIFA executives who have already left FIFA in disgrace. The report findings fit too nicely into the type narrative that FIFA would want to put forth into the media. For example now they can say to their critics, “You guys kept saying the Qatar and Russia bids were corrupt but in fact England was the most corrupt and they didn’t even come close to winning so that means the process was fair. Also all the guys who were involved in corruption are gone and the guys left are pure and good.” (Not an actual quote).

This neat little narrative gleaned from the reports findings is also why Michael J. Garcia, a former U.S. Attorney, who spent 18 months looking into allegations that many of the nine bids seeking the 2018 and 2022 World Cups showered gifts and money on FIFA executives,  and interviewed more than 75 witnesses has come out against the interpretations of his findings by judge, Hans-Joachim Eckert. Garcia claims that the reports findings “contains numerous materially incomplete and erroneous representations of the facts and conclusions” and he is taking his case to the FIFA Ethics Committee (Deadspin). After all the cover-ups there is little hope that FIFA will find in favor of Garcia so it seems like we are stuck with the Russia and Qatar World Cups for now. One day hopefully FIFA is made to answer for its corruption but it does not seem like that will be anytime soon.

Friday Links- FIFA Weekly Issue #43, How USMNT Can Win The World Cup + More

How the United States Can Win the World Cup


FIFA Weekly Issue #43 – 15 AUG 2014


Adu Looks To Restart In Serbia


Malky Mackay Text Message Scandal


FIFA 15 | Official Gameplay Trailer | Next Gen Goalkeepers

In this latest FIFA 15 trailer it shows how goalkeepers have been configured so that they react individually to different situations. In the old iterations goalkeepers would perform the same function in different situations because the hardware wasn’t powerful enough to accommodate the minutiae of different sscenarios. For example, a goalkeeper would punch the ball away rather than catch it in a host of situations where a real goalkeeper would have acted differently. Therefore, FIFA updated the goalkeepers AI so they act as a real goalkeeper would rather than as a preprogrammed bot.

*Disclaimer this update and many more like it in FIFA 15 only apply to the next-gen consoles. The older consoles aren’t powerful enough.

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO): FIFA and the World Cup

The Sausage Principle: “If you love something, never find out how it was made.”

John Oliver starts off his segment with that quote and then expounds on that concept brilliantly. He goes into how corrupt FIFA is and how many Brazilians are protesting hosting the World Cup because of how expensive it is and how the country will not make the back the money they invested. Towards the end he also touches on the stupidity of choosing Qatar as the 2022 World Cup. I have read and listened to many arguments against FIFA but this perhaps the most succinct and John Oliver does a great job at eviscerating the many faults of FIFA and the World Cup while still maintaining a sense of humor. The World Cup is a fantastic event, but we as fans should also demand transparency into how these events are chosen and organized. Hopefully, the recent bribery allegations can bring about some measure of change but I highly doubt it.